Boredom

So I am sat here.... bored, procrastination has firmly taken hold and I am on the hunt. I no longer find any enjoyment in my job. I think I have been getting disillusioned by my career for a fair few years and now I have reached the point where I need to change something.

I work in pharmacy and have done so for over 10years. I started out as a teenager and somehow ended up back there after university.... which now seems like it was a huge waste of time and money, mainly because I don't use my degree and have no plans to. The job used to be about helping people and they were appreciative, but as the companies took over it all became more money orientated. You had to meet this figure and reach that target. There was no longer time to speak to that little old lady who reminded you of your Grandmother; because you had to churn out as much work as you could manage and then some!

The first time that I realised I needed change was when I was removed as a manager. One of our main targets was not being met; something that was out of my control. I needed a fellow staff memeber to reach that target and they just weren't willing - always too sick, or too tired. Pathetic really. But as manager it fell on my head. They replaced me, and the target they were lacking got met, at the cost of all the others. The new manager just couldnt manage the workload and I had to watch all my hard work, all the business that I had brought it, all the relationsips that I had made crumble and fall apart. I cannot begin to tell you how devastating that was.

So I jumped ship and plunged into a different direction - hospital, I figured this would be all about the best for the patient. Alas I was wrong. We are constantly crying out for beds, so a game of who can be kicked out ensues. I hate it.

My daily routine now involves a scour of several job sites; looking for that perfect job that will return my sanity, my happiness with work, perhaps even my motivation.

New Beginnings

So I have never written a blog before, but I have felt an urge to be creative recently, to try new things. Now this could be down to the fact that my life is feeling somewhat unfulfilled lately or that as so much has changed I need to alter around it.

Some background for you; I have recently re-located to the opposite side of the country, to be with the man I love. We were separated for 6 months when he moved for an amazing job opportunity. I followed as quickly as I could, but boy were those 6 months torture. No-one there when I got home from work, no-one to cuddle with, no-one to get rid of the spiders and beasties for me; especially annoying as I gained a mouse as a house-mate, no-one to laugh at how stupid I can be, no-one to share the bills and rent with, no-one there to make me smile after a particularly shitty day, no-one there to say I love you, no-one to tell me off for eating crap that I shouldn't (that would have saved me 2 stone). So in short I was miserable without him, so I moved. I moved away from a location that I knew inside out, away from friends who didn't care that I was weird and who embraced me for it, away from a job that I enjoyed and that was filled with people who could make me laugh.

I moved to be with him and to begin with it was tough. 6 months had damaged our relationship and it has taken serious work and tears to get it back on track, back to what it was; easy and filled with love. I will never regret my decision to move for my man, but it was hard. Harder still is the fact that he is my one and only companion up here, and I am lonely. I'm not the most sociable of people, I had a popular phase at university where I could walk in anywhere and know at least 3 people, but I no longer get drunk and go out every night. I lack that ease of chatting to new people as if I'd known them forever, small talk is not something I have ever mastered; maybe someone should run a course on how to make chitchat. I feel shy and self-conscious, I withdraw into myself and I look like a moody bitch. I don't care what people think of me, but at the same time I don't like to be judged. I know that this is extremely contradictory, but that's me.

I no longer enjoy my work; I am unsure as to whether this is due to the fact that I no longer have that easy, fun camaraderie with my peers, or if my previous colleagues were what made my job bearable in the first place. The work itself is sluggish; there is little to do and it makes the day drag - a thing I have always hated. I would rather be run off my feet and look at the clock and see it's home time, then spend the majority of my day twiddling my thumbs.

I have changed my location now I feel that I need to change other aspects of my life. This is my new beginning after all. I have several ideas of what direction I want my career to go in, but they all involve re-training and money I don't currently have. Having hit a landmark birthday recently, I know that now is the time to alter my future, to do something that makes me happy and that I enjoy, before it's too late and I'm stuck in a generic 9-5 with no way out!!!!